2. My Testimony

“Alright, I think I should start off with my own personal testimony. Just for the sake of opening up to all of you. I always grew up trying to be a christian, trying to find a place that…fit. I never felt like things really quite added up for me. With that, my parents were always tied up in physical fights and things of course, trickled down to me. My mom would have these really lucid moments where she’d slap me or degrade me into tears because of something my dad did or just because she’d really lost it. My parents were both rather heavily into drugs as well and so with all of that, the only time they would throw christian ways into my face were after I did something wrong. And I really resented them for it. I was always alone and really just kind of decided if God was there, he didn’t care about me. Then when I was twelve, I got hit by a car, and that was my first attempt at becoming a christian. I decided that God has kept me from dying. Of course, after having my house burned down…twice, and being robbed and knocked around a little more, getting bullied in the church that I went to and so on and so forth I kind of lost faith. One night about two years ago, my mom and dad got into a gigantic fight, being a little older and slightly fed up, I grabbed my five year old little brother and my best friend who was over at the time, and ran out to the car, hastily calling my grandmother and begging for her to come to our aid as I sometimes did when I was really scared.

For a while, things weren’t easier. We moved in with my grandmother. My father refused accept that he had done anything wrong. (The doctor we took my mother to said he had seen people in severe car wrecks look better than she did.) I started a new school and fell into the  life of a typical an angry teenager in high school. I had a few friends, my best friend being an atheist with a life ten times worse than mine. I struggled with a relationship that spawned online with a guy that probably helped set me a little better. Although, within about six months that didn’t work out as most teenage relationships don’t. Due to me falling into temptation and cheating him with a girl. I decided that I would begin dating a guy near me, a relationship I felt that I deserved. The relationship spawned on for few months with more intercourse than conversation and verbal abuse during the conversation. The occurrences of abuse and guilt that plagued me over the cheating were the perfect storm for self harm and hatred towards God. I decided to become an atheist believing that there could not be a God with such hardships in life.

Leaving home and joining a college summer program I was introduced to yet another guy, whom aided my atheism and encouraged all my worst fantasies. From smoking to intercourse and lying to my family, I was in a downward spiral for chaos not knowing what I was in for. The man that I had met was not only a pedophile, but a hacker. Someone to be feared for the worst. Psychotic and terrifying, he promised me safety and security whilst pretending to be someone else while terrorizing me online using pornography and threats of revealing nude images of myself online. I sank lower and lower, falling into depression, self harm, and extreme anxiety.

After my family worked so hard to protect me and I felt that I had lost everything, (the man had been kicked out of my home and later pretended to kill himself, leaving me in a fairly dark place.) I decided to go to a church in a neighboring town as a new friend of mine had been trying to persuade me to do since school started. I stepped in the church and all at once things began to become better. I sang and sang and praised and never stopped smiling.

Now five months later, God has completely turned my life around. My mother is clean and has lost nearly 85lbs. We just bought a home next to my grandmother after nearly two years of living with her, my little brother now has a stability in life that can never be taken away again and as for me, I’m in counseling for my depression, faithfully attending church and have a boyfriend that continues to hold me accountable for anything unchristian I do. I am continuing to grow in Christ and have gotten my family to come to the church a few times as well. In all honestly, once you let Christ into your life, things really do change for the better.”


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